Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Why I Started Writing Blogging Again

Life is difficult enough and then the bottom totally drops out from under you and you find yourself in a very deep pile of the smelly stuff.

I'll apologize in advance for my current writing style as it depicts the stress, frustrations and grief I'm going through right now.

Part of the reason I decided to go back to writing and blogging.

Understand I am "curbing" and choosing my words as best I can in the current situation.

Part of what you are reading is my only outlet at the moment.

Trust me when I say, the ones I wrote and have not published have been more of a process for me to vent my anger and frustrations with the current situation. They will never be published.

The ones I have posted have been severely "cleaned up" but still severely lacking in professionalism and no where close to the style others know me for.

Right now, I am considering myself back at the "work in progress" stage.

I'm fighting for my own survival at this point.

Some days I don't honestly feel it is all worth what I'm going through.

Other days its tolerable and I can actually write something decent, for example on my other blog (My West Virginia Homestead) I wrote an article on How To Start & Grow Your Own Pineapples At Home.

Having read some of my previous articles on this blog, such as The Overwhelming Feeling Of Being Overwhelmed is not the direction I want this blog to go in.

At some point in the near future, I will perform a "severe clean up" of such blog posts.

Right now however they, like myself are a "work in progress" as I process and transition through this purgatory I am living at the moment.

Right now, its ugly and vile. I'm ashamed to even post most of these posts, but for me, it is a necessary evil to process and to work through it and again, I have not published the far worse ones than you are seeing.

If you find them useful and helpful, great. I hope they help inspire you to find a creative outlet to work through whatever difficulties and struggles you going through.

As you may have guessed, I do not put on airs about anything.

I tell it like it is, regardlessly if anyone likes it or not.

I am not politically correct and if you are offended, there are plenty of other blogs you can read.

Some folks like that about me while others don't.

While I continue to work through this process I'm going through, just hang in there with me.

I go back to this saying a lot.

"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."
Author Unknown (side note: while Marilyn Monroe gets the credit more often than not, check this out)

Hang in there with me, as I transition through this process.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

The Overwhelming Feeling Of Being Overwhelmed

There have been so many times where I am completely overwhelmed because I am so overwhelmed.

At times I feel like I am going 10,000 directions at once.

Its a vicious circle once it starts.

The difficult part is breaking out of that circle of chaos.

Being overwhelmed is worse than a full time job (or if you are unemployed, looking for a job), because you are constantly looking for the immediate solutions and worst yet, you aren't even getting paid for being so overwhelmed.

I too am and have found myself in this no win feeling of being overwhelmed purgatory.

Some tell me the truth, that it is my own fault for being to caring, too giving, always wanting to help others (over myself), and letting people take advantage of me.

That may be true to some degree.

I try to do the right things, help others as much as I can, however I did allow myself to become so involved in helping another human being get through cancer that I lost myself.

I was (still am) making every attempt to find work, having zero luck in doing so, while still trying to do all I could for my friend was recovering from the first battle with cancer.

I couldn't even get a call back for a job interview, much less a job.

Talk about being discourage, down trodden and massive rejection. I had it all.

Now that my friend has relapsed with cancer again, and him telling me I was about to be homeless, the loss of my dad, then reprieve from homelessness because the friend's plans to up and leave didn't work out still is not good options.

A wild hair and I'm still homeless.

Call me selfish, call me a jerk, call me callus and uncaring (all of which is not true because if I were, why would I still be here trying to get him the help he needs while facing homelessness when he decides so).

I know I keep rehashing this topic, however if you were in my shoes, no doubt you too would be going in circles until you figured out what to do, much like I am.

Its not enough I am still trying to grieve my dad while continuing to deal with the rest of this chaos.

I'm fighting daily for my survival and sanity.

It would have been better if I could have gone to Virginia to get the rest of my dad's things and then go on to West Virginia, but instead I'm going to have to drive to Virginia, put dad's stuff in storage, then drive back to Florida in between the friends Dr. appointment this Thursday and again on Tuesday next week.

Better case scenario would be to drive to Virginia, load up all Dad's belongings, drive them to WV and store them there and me just stay in WV. One big trip and it would be over and done with the exception of getting employment there.

Now its a round trip to Virginia back to Florida.

That means more funds I don't have when I do finally get to head back to West Virginia permanently.

I just throw my hands in air some days and shake my head.

I'll update later as God's plan (not mine) works out.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Do What You Love Or Have A Passion For Doing

With life being so very complicated these days, it is a good rule of thumb to do your home work and research everything before jumping in with both feet and your eyes closed.

You don't want to get "burnt" by a scam or scheme, lose your hard earned investment or worse.

I can't tell you how many investments I've made that didn't pan out.

Come to think about it, I'd probably be well off today if I hadn't invested in those "Hyped Up, Dishonest and Misleading" sales pitches, but I am happy to say I have learned my lessons and know what to avoid in the future.

I have spent a great deal of time trying this, that and the other, also known as the "Trial & Error" method and got burnt as well.

Hard and pricey lessons to have to learn.

The conclusions, I have reached is this, while it would be great to have a physical business, being "Brick & Mortar", like most, I can't financially afford to do so.

One thing I have found, is that if I "like" doing something, then that is what I should be focusing on. They same goes for you.

If you are passionate about what you are doing, then that is what you should be doing as long as you are making money at it.

For me, there are so many things I love to do, but when it comes down to it, there is not much call (nor people willing to pay) for most of them.

I'll share some of what I enjoy doing, but nearly impossible to make a living at.

Custom Leather Making for example. The cost of a leather hide or portion there of are so outrageous these days, you can't make a decent living.

If you charge the rates needed to stay in business and profitable (and pay yourself a livable salary, few would be willing to pay the prices needed to stay in business).

All I am saying is when you buy quality, it costs more, but worth it in the long run because it is not cheaply made and will last longer.

Saddle Repair & Cleaning is another one I enjoy, but not nearly as much work available in that area due to those having saddles are pretty much cleaning and repairing their own anymore.

Can you guess something about me yet? Yes, I love to work with my hands, but haven't been able to do so in a long time.

I can't really do much of what I like anymore due to having COPD (never smoked).

Well, that's enough about me for one day.

Whatever you love to do (legal of course), are passionate about and can earn a living doing it, then go for it!

Saturday, April 23, 2016

How I Am Earning Money Online Everyday Not Get Rich Quick -Updated

As Ben Franklin said,
"A penny saved is a penny earned."

This is definitely not a get rich quick or get rich overnight kind of thing.

If you read my previous article "My Personal Come Back After Loss Of Parent And Friend With Cancer", you'll soon start looking for every legal and legitimate opportunity to earn income you can find.

I have been doing exactly that, in order to get some funds coming in again.

Options #1:

Can you read emails?
Watch video's?
Do you search online?
Do you clip or print coupons?
Shop online?
Play games?

If you said yes, then you too can earn money online with InboxDollars or click the image below to get started. Join now and get a $5 sign up bonus.

I prefer to watch the video's, confirm the emails, print the coupons and search online.

Once in a while if I have time I might do a survey, but not very often.

I don't discourage anyone from doing surveys as the pay outs can be much larger, but I find I am either disqualified, the survey closed or they already have their quota, so its just a major waste of my time.

That is not to say they are or will be a waste of your time but I find my age and lack of what they may be looking for is the biggest culprit I get closed out of most surveys.

I also look at the 100% free offers and occasionally find one I want to complete.

I am also utilizing the food coupons as well.

Every little bit helps, whether you are at rock bottom struggling to make the ends meet or just want to save money or in this case earn money.

It's worth looking into, but why wait? Get started today and get your $5.00 sign up bonus.

Option #2:

Another option I am currently utilizing is also a survey site.

The difference between Option 1 & Option 2 is that Option 2 is strictly a survey site with no other options as Option 1 includes.

Do not make the mistake of saying no, I am not doing just a survey site, because you will be selling yourself short.

Some of the survey sites, such as this one actually do work (for me) because they are fairly short (not always) surveys and I'm halfway to my first payout with this one.

As I said, I am in dire straits at the moment, so cash is what I'm going for, be it through check the mail or via my PayPal account.

To get started, sign up with GlobalTestMarket today, in addition to InboxDollars.

Option #3:

The 3rd option I am also currently utilizing is another survey site.

This one is called SurveySavvy

Option #4:

Another option I recently signed up for is YouGov.

Obviously, surveys can be time consuming, but in my situation, I am making them all work for me.

I'd recommend signing up for all of them if you are in need of funds. Just keep doing all you can do, to earn money and keep funds coming in until better things come along.

This even works for homeless folks, with access to internet via a mobile phone or public access through a public library (though less secure. If using public access internet always make sure you sign out of your account before you leave the computer.

Friday, April 22, 2016

My Personal Come Back After Loss Of Parent And Friend With Cancer

There are times in this life in which we must pull back sometimes.

It is not a sign of weakness nor the inability to cope.

The loss of a parent, spouse or loved one and the grieving process, is not limited to just one week employers give you in most cases.

It is not enough.

It is also not enough time, when you are the sole caregiver to someone who is seriously or terminal ill.

You can't transition from sole caregiver to loss of a loved one (or patient) in that amount of time either, though nurses are expected to do just that and get back to the business of caring for a new patient.

If it were up to employers, you would not have any time off period, because they are looking at the all mighty dollars and not the human beings they employ.

I have been a non paid caregiver to a friend (and Veteran) since October 2011. I put over 100,000 miles on my vehicle since then, taking him to his appointments, treatments, procedures, emergencies and continued follow up appointments.

He was cancer free since February 2012 until January 2016 when he was diagnosed with stage 3a lung cancer.

Backing up to December 2015, I flew to Virginia, to bring my Dad, his truck and some of his belongings back to Florida to take care of him with his failing health condition, having advanced dementia.

It was not as easy as I had hoped or thought it would be.

On the trip back to Florida, the plan was to stop at my cousin's house and spend a day or two with him in South Carolina so the trip wouldn't be so difficult for dad.

Little did I know, 45 minutes from my cousin's house in SC, my dad's thinking was, lets just say far out in left field.

He tried to take the keys out of the ignition first, then proceeded to jam the gear shift into Park and then the real battle began as I had to defend myself as he became combative and fighting me while driving 70 miles per hour on the Interstate 95.

The only thing I could really do was jam on the brakes, put it back in drive and use one arm to hold him off. I finally made it from the middle lane of onto the shoulder and stopped, immediately calling my sister to let her know what had just happened and to talk dad down so I could safely continue on to my cousins house.

I'm sure the trucker that saw the whole thing happen when I jammed on the brakes and cut off to the shoulder of the road, in front of him/her was probably crapping in their pants and more likely cussing me out, but I had no other options but get to the shoulder and stopped as quickly and as safely as possible at that point.

Apparently my dad, "thought" I was a CIA agent and not his son, taking him in to answer some questions.

It's so bizarre that he recognized my sister on the phone and talked to her, but didn't even recognize his own son sitting next to him.

After talking to my sister and his granddaughter for about 10 or 15 minutes, they were finally able to get him to understand that he was perfectly fine, with me, his son and he was safe and he needed to try to remain calm so I could get him to my cousins house to rest for a couple days.

Thankfully he did calm down and relax so I started again to my cousins house.

This time however I kept my hand on the gearshift which blocked him from trying to turn off the ignition or jam it into Park again.

The phone call to my sister drained the phone battery (I did not have a car charging adapter at the time) and the battery was almost dead.

I was using GPS to find my cousins house, but the phone kept shutting off because the battery was too low. I turned it back on and tried to get directions again, but the phone would shut off again and again and again. I finally sent a text to my sister and asked her to sent me directions via text because the phone kept shutting off trying to use GPS.

Thankfully she sent the directions and I was finally able to get to my cousin's house to plug the phone in, get dad in the house and pottied and then put him to bed.

I was totally wiped out by this point.

The following day I bought a car charger adapter so there would not be any more problems like that again.

We spent 10 days in SC with my cousin and even had to take dad to a local Doctor there trying to get him medications that would keep him calm so I could finish the trip back to Florida.

I finally felt safe enough to drive back to Florida and we returned on December 21, 2015.

The second leg back to Florida was not uneventful, but not nearly as bad as the first leg of the journey.

It was after dark when we arrived and I went around to open dad's door to get him out and into the house.

That was when I realized that he had the seat belt wrapped around his right arm, under his right shoulder and wrapped around his neck.

If I had, had to jam on the brakes for any reason, he would have been strangled or dead, but I couldn't see what he had done due to it being dark and me concentrating on the road and driving.

Thankfully he was fine, but it did take some time to figure out just how he had entangled the seat belt to get him free from it.

On Christmas Eve day 2015 I drove dad to the VA hospital ER in Tampa, where they admitted him immediately with Advanced Dementia.

The VA took excellent care of my dad and even had a 24 hour sitting nurse with him for the entire time he was in the VA hospital.

He was moved from the VA hospital to a private care nursing facility where he passed away on March 20th, 2016.

If he had lived another 8 days it would have been exactly 15 years to the day mom passed away.

Dad was buried beside Mom and with Military Honor Guard.

I returned home to find the friend telling me that his plans to move (because none of his family or friends would let him come to live with them) did not work out and that he would be staying here for treatment and then moving after treatment was done.

Either way, I'd still be homeless regardlessly if he stayed or moved so, I made my own plans to leave and relocate to start taking care of myself and my own health issues.

So here I am, in the middle of very tough decisions.

He does not have his own transportation, but I have checked with several different organizations that would take him to his treatments and appointments.

He has one friend in the north east who told him to come there and still unsure if he will go or not, but at this point, it is his only option.

As I said, I have made my own plans and until the day comes when I will be packed and ready to start my own journey, I will still be taking him to his appointments and procedures.

Once he is either through with his treatments or decides to move to his friend's in New England, I at that point will be ready to move on with my own plans.

It will be good to be back in my mountains of West Virginia and to see, visit and be among all of family and friends there again.

Its time for me to take care of me, my health and getting my feet back on solid ground.

I started a fundraiser to help me make this happen. If you can't donate (and I understand if you can't) would you please share it to help me get this fresh start, I so desperately need.

We all need a hand up sometimes after having given our all to or for someone else.

I'm not thrilled to be in the situation I am in, but I felt compelled to help another human being because no one else was willing to do so.

With that said, I am once again starting at the bottom just like many of you reading this.

I will not accept defeat or homelessness until my last breath or there is no other option.

You can find yourself in my shoes at any time in this life, which has been a huge eye opener for me.

While we don't know when a loved one will become seriously ill or pass away, we all need to plan ahead if we can.

For those easily offended, you can stop reading now.

God has brought me through yet another storm, worse for the wear, but more knowledgeable about where I need to focus my efforts and to regain stability in several areas of my life now.

I'm thankful for all I have and I know there are so so many out there less fortunate than I.

Give someone a "hand up" today and change their world for the better.